Who Are The Losers in Forgiveness?

When forgiveness comes, who are the losers?  Is it the offender?  Is it those who forgave?  Is it both?  Or is it perhaps, neither?   What if forgiveness of ourselves is what is to be allowed?  Are there losers in the wake of what forgiveness brings?  Or is it win-win-win-win for all?  Who can say, right?  If forgiveness leaves healing in its path as countless numbers have attested to~ about myriads of circumstance ~ then who can lose if healing is the thing that comes?  Who can deny the freedom found in forgiveness’ wake?  Are there any losers?  Or are the forgivers of the world just losers?  How could forgiveness have the mere function of marking the losers of the world?  What school of thought considers forgiveness the enemy, but the school of old hurts and fears of future pain?

Regardless of all else ~ What loss can come from even the tiniest allowance of forgiveness within our day?

Where is Within?

Where is the place of looking , when the place of looking is inside of ones own self?  To where have we turned when we have turned within?

Answer these questions  ~ And what have we found?

Where is the Center of All Peace?

If all peace comes from within, where can we go and NOT have access to all peace?

Where is within?  Where is the center of all peace?

Where are you now?

(are we there yet?)

Forgiveness ~ A New Way of Seeing Things

What is harder than a life filled with old hurt, old feelings of anger, resentment or bitterness?

This offering is not meant as a ‘cure-all’ or the “only thing” one might need to come to a place of forgiveness.  Just the same, what could it hurt in this moment to be open to see things differently?

What do we have to lose but our anger and past hurts, except perhaps our pride?  And how can the ‘keeping of a pride’ that demands our anger or bitterness to survive be something we would want to keep?  If having pride in ourselves relies on our condemnation of others, how can we ever be free?  Each time someone does something that reminds us of an old wound, we are sometimes hurled back onto the rocks, even when we don’t necessarily want to go there anymore.

Forgiveness and Miracles

Forgiveness opens the door to miracles because it stems from love.  What but the Source of Love can be the cause of miracles? Have you wondered “Where are the miracles?”  If you have, you are not alone.  There probably isn’t a person in this world who has prayed and not  felt excluded from, or denied  a miracle  at some time.  Trying to answer as to ”why this might be” …. is a little beyond the scope of this post.  But at the same time most of us have probably also had experience/s where we have wondered if we had in fact experienced some sort of “minor” miracle.

Miracles are expressions of love in this world because their source is in love.

Extending Forgiveness

Projecting anger over injustices and resentments over past hurts will only have our world seem like a never ending opportunity to experience more and more anger and resentment.   The truly forgiven stand in gratitude because they feel understood. Further, forgiveness of self can only happen in a space of safety and understanding, not in a space of guilt as we all know.  Guilt can never truly lead to forgiveness, only more of what it is.

Guilt is the demand that forgiveness come to call another time.  Guilt squashes any opening for forgiveness because it stems from condemnation.  Condemnation does not free either person because it is the assertion that guilt is necessary~ that guilt is warranted.   When we feel truly forgiven, how is guilt possible?  When we ‘would forgive if we could’, we really would’, it is not a mystery.  In the same way, what we are saying even deeper under all the anger or past hurts is;  ”I am not certain everything is going to be OK again”. “I don’t know if I can trust this person or situation”, or “they just went too far this time”.  When we are stumped in this way,  it is not because we want to be stumped. It is because we do not realize how much ‘not forgiving’ is truly costing us.  We do not see the personal self interest that is larger than our fear of future injustices.

How Can Forgiveness Relate To The Larger Things?

One night I was sitting with friends having dinner and the nightly news was on in the background.  Even though they only interviewed the woman for about 30 sec. I remember it well.   She had lost her adolescent daughter to rape and murder ten years prior.  On the day of the interview the perpetrator convicted was put to death by lethal injection.  The news caster asked the woman “It’s been ten years since this atrocity against your daughter, what is it like today knowing justice has finally been served?” She didn’t hesitate  ~ “I had to forgive him.  The anger and resentment were killing me”.

I was not surprised that she had come to conclusion that anger and resentment was unhealthy to a body, but her testimony was very inspiring to me.  I recall “getting something in my eye” coincidentally about that time.  You see, I don’t know what conclusions she came to in addition to the obvious health benefits.  She didn’t really say how forgiveness became justified inside of herself ultimately.  I don’t think it was that kind of interview.  She simply stated that “it had come” (forgiveness) in a sense, and that the willingness for it to happen  required a choice on her part.  Her obvious well justified right, to NOT forgive, was what she gave up. But what did she gain?  What do her memories of her daughter through her forgiveness gain?  What does the world gain through her forgiveness as well?  For this woman the price of not forgiving meant certain death for her body.  (And who can’t help but feel that she is onto to something?).

The Mind Seeks Forgiveness Because the Mind Seeks Peace, Naturally

~ An Exercise ~

We can easily tell that forgiveness must come from outside our current perspective or current way of thinking.  If we truly had access to forgiveness (or the justification for it) we would choose it instantly, and all the benefits of forgiveness would become ours  in that moment.

As a trial example; think of something small that you would like not to feel bad about.  Start small just to practice; before you consider taking on any ’300/lbs Gorillas’ if you feel you have one. Perhaps you didn’t call back a friend as promised and you feel bad about that.  Or maybe your friend didn’t call you back. You know your friend loves you  but maybe you feel  as though he/she can be a little insensitive at times.  Whatever … you get the idea.

Choice in Forgiveness

Forgiveness is something every individual grapples with at some point in time.  Though it certainly seems like some things are harder to forgive than others, it also seems like the cost of NOT forgiving even small things can really add up sometimes ~ in relationships for example.  So we might say when it comes to forgiveness, it would seem that “size doesn’t always matter”.  The costs of “not forgiving” can be equally large in magnitude regardless of the smallness of our grievance.  For myself and many folks, I suspect we hold grievances because we feel like we don’t have another choice.  In other words, when we are gripped with “the need to forgive”, or “wish we could but”…., or “really are trying to”, it’s just so hard, etc..,” We don’t feel and hold onto these things because we want to.  Who doesn’t want what forgiveness offers in times such as these?  Because who doesn’t wish they could make it all better and make the pain stop?

Acceptance or Forgiveness Is Our Special Purpose.

Your special part is no small function.

The healing of the world depends on it.  That’s why it was given to you, certainty of its fulfillment was essential to the plan

Our special purpose might seem impossible some days.  Especially if it means we accept those closest to us for whom and what they are without a need to change or fix them.   We cannot fail because we cannot ultimately fail to desire to see our special purpose fulfilled.  Today if one of our close friends seems hard to accept, let us remember; “What else am I here to do to but love them anyway?”  We do not have to be in their physical presence to do this.  In fact, it might be easier if we are having a hard time accepting them in the first place just to take pause in the quiet stillness inside.  Remember, we don’t need to understand why things are going to work out eventually to enjoy the benefits that knowing brings.  If some situation comes to challenge you today, try to step back from it for just an instant and ask; “If it were a part of my ‘special purpose’ to accept something in this situation ~ what would it be and what would I have to let go of in order to see that purpose done through me?” Who doesn’t appreciate being accepted for who they are?  What does simple acceptance bring to any human interaction?  Where is the end to the benefits acceptance and forgiveness bring?

More in this here.