Extending Forgiveness

Projecting anger over injustices and resentments over past hurts will only have our world seem like a never ending opportunity to experience more and more anger and resentment.   The truly forgiven stand in gratitude because they feel understood. Further, forgiveness of self can only happen in a space of safety and understanding, not in a space of guilt as we all know.  Guilt can never truly lead to forgiveness, only more of what it is.

Guilt is the demand that forgiveness come to call another time.  Guilt squashes any opening for forgiveness because it stems from condemnation.  Condemnation does not free either person because it is the assertion that guilt is necessary~ that guilt is warranted.   When we feel truly forgiven, how is guilt possible?  When we ‘would forgive if we could’, we really would’, it is not a mystery.  In the same way, what we are saying even deeper under all the anger or past hurts is;  ”I am not certain everything is going to be OK again”. “I don’t know if I can trust this person or situation”, or “they just went too far this time”.  When we are stumped in this way,  it is not because we want to be stumped. It is because we do not realize how much ‘not forgiving’ is truly costing us.  We do not see the personal self interest that is larger than our fear of future injustices.

How Can Forgiveness Relate To The Larger Things?

One night I was sitting with friends having dinner and the nightly news was on in the background.  Even though they only interviewed the woman for about 30 sec. I remember it well.   She had lost her adolescent daughter to rape and murder ten years prior.  On the day of the interview the perpetrator convicted was put to death by lethal injection.  The news caster asked the woman “It’s been ten years since this atrocity against your daughter, what is it like today knowing justice has finally been served?” She didn’t hesitate  ~ “I had to forgive him.  The anger and resentment were killing me”.

I was not surprised that she had come to conclusion that anger and resentment was unhealthy to a body, but her testimony was very inspiring to me.  I recall “getting something in my eye” coincidentally about that time.  You see, I don’t know what conclusions she came to in addition to the obvious health benefits.  She didn’t really say how forgiveness became justified inside of herself ultimately.  I don’t think it was that kind of interview.  She simply stated that “it had come” (forgiveness) in a sense, and that the willingness for it to happen  required a choice on her part.  Her obvious well justified right, to NOT forgive, was what she gave up. But what did she gain?  What do her memories of her daughter through her forgiveness gain?  What does the world gain through her forgiveness as well?  For this woman the price of not forgiving meant certain death for her body.  (And who can’t help but feel that she is onto to something?).

Acceptance or Forgiveness Is Our Special Purpose.

Your special part is no small function.

The healing of the world depends on it.  That’s why it was given to you, certainty of its fulfillment was essential to the plan

Our special purpose might seem impossible some days.  Especially if it means we accept those closest to us for whom and what they are without a need to change or fix them.   We cannot fail because we cannot ultimately fail to desire to see our special purpose fulfilled.  Today if one of our close friends seems hard to accept, let us remember; “What else am I here to do to but love them anyway?”  We do not have to be in their physical presence to do this.  In fact, it might be easier if we are having a hard time accepting them in the first place just to take pause in the quiet stillness inside.  Remember, we don’t need to understand why things are going to work out eventually to enjoy the benefits that knowing brings.  If some situation comes to challenge you today, try to step back from it for just an instant and ask; “If it were a part of my ‘special purpose’ to accept something in this situation ~ what would it be and what would I have to let go of in order to see that purpose done through me?” Who doesn’t appreciate being accepted for who they are?  What does simple acceptance bring to any human interaction?  Where is the end to the benefits acceptance and forgiveness bring?

More in this here.

Know Thyself

Of all the axioms and famous one liners I have heard this one has received a lot of attention throughout history.  Just like you I am sure, I have heard perspectives ranging from those that say it is the silliest bit of advice ever and those that say it is the only thing one needs do for absolute freedom. Well rest assured …. we will NOT be putting the debate to rest here today!  lol!

But who can deny that NOT knowing ourselves can sometimes lead to more difficulty?

I was talking with a friend and she was relating to me something that had happened since we last spoke. (it had been a while.)   She said “all her life she didn’t know exactly why, but for some reason she just didn’t get along with the “cowboys” of the world.”  She meant it literally that is to say, “specifically men that wore cowboy hats and boots and looked and acted like cowboys.”   She continued that this never seemed like a real problem, except when she would go out because for some reason “she always seemed to also attract that type.”  lol!  She said, “I tried dating a few guys but they were just “so cowboy” that it always ended quickly and she always felt bad after words because “deep down she knew it wasn’t about them but for some reason she couldn’t get on board.”

So eventually she just got to the point that “she didn’t go to places were cowboys were.”  She said, “everything was fine until about 6 months back when she got a new boss.” And as it turned he was a “poster child of an American cowboy”.  (her words)  What she meant was, he not only liked western style clothing, but he was a “cowboy at heart.”  She said, “he brought in pictures of famous cowboys and hung them in his office.” and “started quoting famous cowboys at meetings.”  lol!  She went on, “every time he spoke it seemed like he was either quoting a famous cowboy or asking how one would wrangle the situation, or had something cowboy to say.”  She said “I was getting so many cowboy references because others in the office had started ‘chiming in’ cowboy references too, it was to the point that I couldn’t focus any more.”  “He would come into my office, say three words, and I would be stewing about it for the rest of the afternoon.” So her performance started to slip not to mention her simple joy throughout the day.  And evidently her slip in performance didn’t look so good to the new boss.  She was put on probation.

She said, “eventually I thought, Lord there has got to be away around this!  I need some help!”

So she explained that it was either “quit, get fired, or figure out what was going on with her.”  So she said, “I started talking with someone” and that, “during one of our sessions  the topic of my stepfather came up.”  She said “besides the way he dressed, he was actually a lot like this guy in the way he approached challenges and acted sometimes.”  Well long story short she said “the day that I realized that I was projecting some “unfinished business I had with my step dad onto my knew boss, was the first day that that I actually noticed how good he was as a boss.”  She said, “He is kind and fair, he listens intently when employees come with problems.  And he his very committed to a job well done not only by his team but himself as well.”  “He’s the perfect boss! Even if his cowboy jokes can be kind of corny sometimes.”, she said. lol!

Obviously she worked out here problems with her new boss err … stepfather.  LOL!

(she is no longer on probation at work either!)

But how did it become a problem in the first place except that she didn’t know herself? Because she hadn’t recognized as yet, that she had some understanding still to do, regarding her stepfather and their relationship?  Maybe knowing thyself is all we really need to do and maybe it isn’t, but can it hurt?

Where is the Self?  Where is Within?

(find one and the other is probably “a stones throw away.”)

_______________________

In Process 04/01

04/27- looks great! Thanks John!!!

Of all the axioms and famous one liners I have heard, ”Know Thyself”  has received a lot of attention throughout history.  Just like you, I am sure I have heard perspectives ranging from; “It is the silliest bit of advice ever”, to those saying  “It is the only thing one needs do for absolute freedom.“ Well, rest assured …. we will not be putting that debate to rest here today!  lol!

But who can deny that NOT knowing ourselves can sometimes lead to more difficulty?

I was talking with a friend who related to me something that had happened since  we had last spoken. (It had been a while.)   She told me  ‘all of her life’ (and she didn’t know exactly why), but for some reason she just didn’t get along with the ‘cowboys’ of the world.   She meant this literally.  Specifically, men who wore cowboy hats and boots, and who looked and acted like cowboys.   She continued on telling how this never seemed like a real problem, except when she went out.  For some reason, she always seemed to attract that type.  She said, “I tried dating a few guys but they were just ‘so cowboy’.”  It had  always ended quickly and she always felt badly  afterwords  because  deep down she knew it wasn’t about them ….but for some reason she just couldn’t get on board.

Eventually my friend got to the point that she didn’t go places where there were cowboys.  She said everything was fine until about 6 months back when she got a new boss.  As it turned out (Her words)  “He was the ‘poster child’ of an American cowboy.  What she meant was, he not only liked western style clothing, but he was a cowboy at heart.   He brought in pictures of famous cowboys and hung them in his office. He quoted  famous cowboys at meetings.”  lol!   Every time he spoke it seemed to her like he was either quoting a famous cowboy or asking how one would wrangle the situation, or had something cowboy to say about every matter. “I got  so many cowboy references because others in the office had started ‘chiming -in’ with cowboy references too.  It was to the point that I couldn’t focus anymore,” She told me. “He would come into my office, say three words, and I would be stewing about it for the rest of the afternoon.” Her performance started to slip, not to mention her simple joy throughout the day.  And evidently, her slip in performance didn’t look so good to the new boss.  She was put on probation.

She said, “eventually I thought, Lord there has got to be away around this!  I need some help!”

She explained that it was either “quit, get fired, or figure out what was going on with her.  ”I started talking with someone, she said, “during one of our sessions  the topic of my stepfather came up.” She said “besides the way he dressed, he was actually a lot like this guy in the way he approached challenges and acted sometimes.”  Well long story short she said “the day that I realized that I was projecting some “unfinished business I had with my step dad onto my knew boss, was the first day that that I actually noticed how good he was as a boss.”  She said, “He is kind and fair, he listens intently when employees come with problems.  And he his very committed to a job well done not only by his team but himself as well.”  “He’s the perfect boss! Even if his cowboy jokes can be kind of corny sometimes.”, she said. lol!

Obviously she worked out here problems with her new boss err … stepfather.  LOL!

(she is no longer on probation at work either!)

But how did it become a problem in the first place except that she didn’t know herself? Because she hadn’t recognized as yet, that she had some understanding still to do, regarding her stepfather and their relationship?  Maybe knowing thyself is all we really need to do and maybe it isn’t, but can it hurt?

Where is the Self?  Where is Within?

(find one and the other is probably “a stones throw away.”)